This interview took place on June 6, 2021 between Elva Ramos and journalist Hugo Prieto, and was originally published in Prodavinci under the title, “Elva Ramos: “El cambio empieza por uno mismo”.
IQLatino has acquired the rights to translate and publish this interview in English.
The lines that follow tell the story of a radical change. A change in attitude, a new consciousness.
Elva Ramos, 31, was born in Caja Seca, Zulia state. She finished high school and before she started college, she became pregnant with her first daughter. That changed her life. She left her child in the care of her grandmother and came to Caracas to seek life opportunities. To this day, you can see that change in retrospective. In her own words, there are no recriminations, but the certainty that she had set herself an obstacle. By inserting herself as a mother in Alimenta la Solidaridad, she found the tools to step forward with a different attitude.
In Caracas she worked as a maid, living with a family. In an atmosphere of harmony, which she appreciates and values, she was able to reestablish contacts with family and friends who had also emigrated from Zulia, where sources of employment were scarce. The purpose of looking for a better future was her search engine. “When you have a child, you understand that you already have someone to care for, to feed, so you look for other ways.”
She currently has her partner, who is also from Caja Seca, but who she met in Caracas. They have two children in common and together they have raised their first daughter. A relationship that has lasted 12 years.
In the La Isla de La Vega neighborhood – where Elva lived – the news came through a neighbor: “They would soon open a dining room where they are going to give the children lunch.” “I told my husband, if it is to help, why not? At that time, the situation was not so bad – we had not reached the complex humanitarian emergency. Elva enrolled her three children in the dining room. “Day by day I collaborated, I got more and more involved until I became a committed mother.”
How is your daily rutine?
I would wake up, make breakfast for the children, leave everything ready and go to the dining room. Seven months later, the possibility of opening another dining room in the neighborhood to which I moved was raised. Wow, it was quite a change! On one hand, some things were made easier, I could spend more time with my children. But on the other hand, accepting that responsibility was challenging. I would no longer be a committed mother but a leading mother in a community, where although I lived, I had no contact with almost anyone, because I spent my day in the dining room in the La Isla community. I was going to work with another mother whom practically I did not know, but things were flowing. There was an immediate connection and from the first moment we were very communicative. She asked me, I asked her. I think that led us to move forward with the dining room.
What difficulties did they encounter along the way?
Some neighbors gave us a space, I think we rushed to make the decision, because there was friction between us and the owners of the house. They wanted to do things differently, but the dining room already came with rules. We moved to a temporary place and then, in January, to one of the houses that the government gives, but the “colectivos” began to harass us. One day when the food arrived, they took photos and videos of us. We were very scared. And my partner tells me: “-We are not going to cook. What wrong are we doing? -Of course we are going to cook! ” We decided to take the food out of that government house so as not to cause problems for the lady and we moved the dining room to my partner’s house. That is a “Chavista” neighborhood…, but still, we didn’t stop. “We are not going to sell you the gas.” But we were more astute. How are they not going to sell it to us? Let’s go the other way, let’s see how we do. “No, if the cistern arrived, they would not fill us,” but we, just the same, were looking for a way. Nowadays, it is “look, how many bottles do you need for the dining room?” Because we have already managed to make people understand that we are not politicizing a benefit that is for the children of the community.
How many lunches do you serve in the dining room?
We (daily) cook for 80 children.
How is the menu?
It is very varied. One day we give them soup with ribs, another day we give them ground beef, rice, salad and cheese. Another day, potato with egg, salad and cheese. All meals have salad. We give them one day of grains -beans, beans, peas-, which we cook, like minestrone. We ask the mothers for a monthly contribution, a kilogram of rice to complement some meals. One day we give them a power drink.
How is the relationship with community leaders? With the Chavismo sectors?
Today, they have given us our space. They are in theirs and we are in ours. They have understood that we are giving a benefit to the children of the community. In the dining room, we got to have children of people who work at the Clap. We do not ask anyone their political affiliation. They themselves are surprised. “Wow, this is something else! I imagined that when we got here, they were talking about politics ”. We managed to create a space, as they say, for mothers to go and forget what is happening out there – the shortage of gas, the lack of water and food – and in the face of problems, some mothers give encouragement to others. Yes, they have told us “this is something different from what was painted”.
How has your life changed after becoming a leading mother?
For me it was a 180 degree turn. Alimenta la Solidaridad has transformed my life, mine and that of my family. I was a housewife mother, aware of my children, of my home. That was all. Once I entered Alimenta, door after door opened for me. Alimenta gave me the opportunity to go from being a collaborating mother to being a leading mother. Opportunities came to me. Today, I am a mother in the women leadership program. I believe that for women it has been a change for our lives. I had the opportunity to speak in the National Assembly, something that in my life I came to imagine. It was a challenge. I didn’t even think “I can’t.” If they thought of me, as they say, I have to “echarle pichón”.
Could you tell me three or four ideas that were part of your speech?
Basically it was the problem of schooling at that time, the lack of resources so that mothers could take their children to schools. Many of them didn’t even have the money to buy a pencil. I was able to talk about a mother who found it easier to go to Colombia to buy school supplies, going there was cheaper. I imagine that of what she was able to bought, she sold some things to pay for her trip.
What does it mean to be a mother of women leadership?
We are mothers trained in different topics, one of them is gender violence. Another is self-care.
Self-care?
Many of us get too involved in other people’s problems. Sometimes we take it as a personal matter. So instead of helping people, we are causing harm to ourselves. This is based on knowing our limits. I can help you as much as I can. I can’t help you with what I don’t have. We cannot go beyond what we cannot give. Self-care is very important for our work. Take care of ourselves so that we can help other people.
Who cares for you?
I have to take care of myself. Many times we drown in a problem and I am one of those who say: complaining about the problem does not solve it. Thinking about the problem doesn’t solve it either. The best I can do is find a solution or forget about it. If the water does not arrive, “I don’t have water, I don’t have water.” Aha, is the water going to come due to my complaining? No. Look, if I don’t have water, I have to find it.
What can you say about gender violence?
Gender is male or female. There are many types of violence: psychological, verbal, physical. Many times there are women who are abused and they do not even know it. When a mother attends a workshop on gender violence and she listens, she reflects, “Hey, but my husband keeps yelling at me, he keeps calling me names.” There, she realizes that she was abused. Many times it is believed that violence is only physical, but violence goes beyond hitting, and sometimes psychological violence does more damage than physical violence, because it represses you, makes you think that you are useless, that you cannot do anything. It prevents us from doing many things.
That is called handicap.
Exactly.
We live in a macho and patriarchal culture. The Romans said: “You can change the laws, but the customs … that is much more difficult to change.” How do the solidarity and affective mechanisms work? Can you change the macho culture?
Yes it’s hard. But there are things that happen due to the ignorance. In a workshop we can ask ourselves questions. Is this what happens to me? There are also tools. “I already know what I have to do.” Accompaniment is very important in these cases. Go to the women’s ombudsman, to the Prosecutor’s Office, file a complaint. But sometimes the woman does not have a relative, a neighbor, to accompany her in the process and she thinks “I am alone in this”. Many mothers are already forewarned. “When this guy comes and wants to put his hand on me …”
What has been the response of the authorities?
There are women who file a complaint and the next day they withdraw it. So, the authorities do not always give answers. The important thing is that the woman becomes aware, that she insists before various instances and if she has to get away from her partner, that she does it. I think the lack of response from the authorities is notorious. If this is the case, she seeks support from a relative, support from neighbors. We have to make our partners see: “I can also go out to work, I can also be a support for you at home.” Make them see that. Suddenly, my husband said: “You, all day in that dining room … all day.” I stopped going for two days, but on the third day, I went there, until I made him understand that this was a space that I needed for myself. Today, he understands. Sometimes, he says to me: “Don’t you have a meeting today?” “No, I don’t have a meeting.” Let them see, look, I started with this and now look where I am. So, I believe that a balance can be reached.
How is solidarity created in the neighborhood? How is communication stimulated? How do you arrive at reflection?
As it is today, that has been lost, a lot. “Hey, I’m going to help my neighbor.” But I think we have managed to make people understand that this is necessary in our lives. The neighbor who has the water point lends it to another so that he can fill it. Look, my neighbor doesn’t have a tank, I give her at least two water buckets. In the dining room, sometimes there is leftovers. “Hey, pal, bring a cup for you.” To the man who brings the cistern: “Do you want soup?” “Ah, well, if you give me.” It is about to make people see that beyond what we want, we are still Venezuelans. I believe that if we care about each other, we can move forward.
How has your community changed?
Beyond the visions that each one has, we have to see the common good. That is what it is all about. In this case, the common good is the neighborhood’s children and also the elderly, to whom – not all of them – we give that benefit. I also work with the Catholic Church, and through the church we also have access to other organizations that provide humanitarian aid. It’s not about helping someone I like or your next door neighbor. Many times we reach to the one who least thinks we are going to reach him.
What reflection would you make after the changes you have experienced?
I always tell mothers that we cannot fall into conformity.
Who has to make the changes?
I’ve always said, change starts with ourselves. When we change our way of being, our way of thinking, when we care about our neighbor, change is generated there and little by little we create change.
A change for what?
We have to watch out for our children. My children do not have even a quarter of the childhood that I had. I don’t remember carrying water for my house. Or you might have thought, “look, my mom doesn’t have money, not even for rice.” I did not experience that. It is not in my memories. I think we have to think about our children. Suddenly, we can’t give them a full meal or we can’t send them to school, because we don’t have, as I said, money to buy a pencil.
Do you think it has changed?
Totally. In every way, as a mother, as a wife. Everything that I have learned or that we have learned, all those tools, have led us to look for solutions different from those we once thought. Sometimes there are mothers who come to complain in the dining room. “Just wait. First you lower your tone. Second, you calm down. Third, you speak to me with respect ”. Then you listen. Now we have gained confidence and that is the fundamental basis for us to continue on a day-to-day basis.